Friendsgiving

On Sunday we had our friends the Kelly's over for a little "Friendsgiving" celebration.  Thankfully Jordan knows how to cook a Turkey like a boss and whipped this out like it aint-no-thang.... I love that he loves to cook!


The food was delicious, and the company even better.  I am SO sad that we didn't get a picture all together because we got so busy eating, chatting and taking care of children.  BUT I did get one of these two cute boys in their christmas plaid onesies.  


And Myra going to town on this turkey leg.... which is slightly deceiving since she really only ate rolls for dinner... and pumpkin cheesecake. hahaha 


I realized once they left that we forgot to go around the table and say what we were grateful for so once all the kids were down we facetimed each other and shared.... I shared how grateful I was for Jordan but I am also SO grateful for friends and that we were able to celebrate and feel the spirit of Thanksgiving with them.  



When tawni came to town

One of my childhood best friends came to Florida this past week and we got to meet up with her on Wednesday and go to Animal Kingdom.  We were suppose to meet up Friday as well... but Myra threw up right before we were going to leave.... BUT we had so much fun with them for the little bit of time we got with them.. It was so fun to see Myra interact with her little girl, Lyla. 

I am so grateful for friends. Old and new.  All the old memories I have with them and all the new ones we are creating.


Max gets a haircut

Jordan finally got me to cut Maxwell's mullet.  
He has extremely fluffy hair that sticks up all over and is difficult to tame... I thought the hair being shorter would make it worse so I waited so long to cut it which resulted in a baby mullet.  But it finally came time for it to go, major fluff or not.  


Oh how i love my boy.
Why do haircuts make them look so much older?

All girls are princesses

Saturday night we met our friends at Epcot for a few rides and then headed over to Magic Kingdom on the monorail.  Usually I am a stickler about bedtime... but I made an exception for the night and we stayed at Disney till the sun went down.  There is something extra magical about Disney at night with the lights and the sounds...especially when its all decked out for the holidays.

Before we left for the park I whipped out this Anna dress for Myra that we were supposed to give her for Christmas but I just couldn't wait... I found it for an AMAZING deal and we have another princess getup to give her for Christmas so I thought, WHY NOT!!!??? Because I am trying really hard to be more fun, spontaneous and say yes lately.  She loved it!!! As soon as she had that dress on she twirled and twirled saying, "I'm a pretty princess"!

Whenever she isn't wearing a dress she gets concerned and says, "I'm not a princess anymore." And I am trying really hard to teach her, "No, you're ALWAYS a princess... all girls are princesses". But she doesn't seem to quite get that... haha.  So today while she wore pants she kept calling herself "Prince Wednesday" from Daniel Tiger and kept wanting me to call her that!!!! bahahahahahaha.  I got a kick outta that one.

Sweet Myra Grace,
You can be whoever you want to be whenever you want to be as long as you're a sweetheart!
I love you forever!!!!




Three blondes

On Tuesday I took Myra and Maxwell to Animal Kingdom to meet up with some friends for a few hours and ride the safari ride.  When Myra saw her two friends they all gave each other a giant hug.  It was soooooo cute! I was dying.


We didn't stay for long because #naps... but I am so happy we went.  It was the first time I put on my big girl panties and took the two kids to Disney with-out Jordan.  I thought it was going to be stressful and horrible but it ended up being so refreshing and such a delight.  

I am so grateful for all my friends out here that get me out of my house.  They have been such a huge blessing in my life.  Last year this time of year I was really not enjoying Florida and was feeling lonely out here.... After a lot of working on myself, I have truly come to feel quite the opposite.  I am really loving it here (especially the amazing weather lately) and I feel like my heart could burst at the seams for all the love I have for my friends down here.  

Oh and here is a picture of this bundle of love....


Thank you Disney, for making Election day a bit less stressful.  :)

November 9, 2016


The past few days have been insane.
Elections.
Sadness.
Hatred.
Confusion.

I woke up today and was shocked at the hate spewing out of peoples mouths via social media.
And it all made me feel sad.

Today and yesterday are days that will be a big part of America's history and I wanted to be sure I documented my thoughts and feelings.

November 8th came and almost went before I decided on who to vote for.  I felt confused.  I felt defeated... Defeated that the two people I had to choose from were two people I didn't want as leaders... I felt like it was some sick game I used to play with my friends called "would you rather" and you're given two awful choices you have to choose from.    

I finally showed up to vote as the sun was about to set at a cute little church down the street with a thousand prayers in my heart and not a clue who I was going to mark as my choice for President.  
It was just me and the two kiddos.  Myra was running around and max fussing in the stroller.  I felt frazzled and sweaty.  And then I made a mark.  I chose someone.

As I walked up to the lady to feed my paper into the machine I felt physically ill.  I wanted to fall on my knees and vomit not only the contents of my stomach but also a bucket of tears from my eyes.  

It didn't feel right for me. 

So with grumpy kids and a sweaty forehead, I asked for a new ballot and filled it in the only way I felt ok doing.  Whether it was a throw away or not, whether it's what everyone around me was saying to do or not do.  I followed my heart and it didn't make a spit of difference in the end to the world, but to me it always will make a world of difference knowing I followed my heart.  

But the thing is.... I was raised to understand that everyone will have different desires of the heart.  That who I may feel prompted to vote for may very well be completely different than who somebody else feels prompted to vote for.  That morning my mom said to me, "I will love you no matter WHO you vote for!"  I think those words are simply beautiful.  So no matter who you voted for, I love you.  

If you're in mourning.... believe me I am definitely in mourning with you.
If you're happy...I am happy that you are happy.
If you're praying for Mr. President, I am praying with you. 

We can do this if we do it together with loving hearts.
I wanted my children to know this.  So I wrote them a letter. 

Dear babies,

Today Donald Trump won the election for President... It has made fear bubble up in people with hatred spilling out all over the place. So today, I am sad. Mommy is really sad.
I hope I can teach you to LOVE unconditionally. I hope that you support your friends and family no matter who they vote for or what their views are. Because love should win in EVERY instance whether something is benefitting you or crippling you. Like I always tell you, "It's ok to feel sad and even mad. BUT that doesn't mean we can be cruel. You can be like Cinderella & her prince or you can be like the step-sisters. YOU choose. Kindness will always make you more beautiful than hatred." 
When Christ was crucified he prayed to the Lord to forgive them... forgive the very people that persecuted and killed him. That's real love, my babies.
Yes. Stick up for your beliefs. Stick up for yourself. Be courageous. But do it respectfully and others will respect you back. I can't imagine how wonderful the world would be today if everyone lived this way and taught their children this by word and deed.
If you grow up to be this way & teach YOUR children to be this way, I will die feeling like the most accomplished woman in the world. It will make me happier than any accolade ever could. Because it's all that truly matters.
Love is the way. Love is ALWAYS the way.
Mommy




meet millie

 Tuesday was a day of sugar hang-overs and then covering up the sugar hang-overs with sugar highs. We were all grouchy, Myra wouldn't nap and I noticed myself on my knees praying for help more times than I can count through-out the day.  I needed help to breath in and out, to be calm and present.  To get on the floor and laugh and play with my kids.  This normally comes easily for me, but every move I made felt like I was moving through a pool of taffy.  I even gave myself a time-out in bed so that I could breath deep breaths and tell myself positive affirmations.  I closed my door, got in bed and drew the covers over my head as the tears began to pool on my pillow.  "Why am I feeling like this?" I prayed.  "Give me strength, give me sunshine, give me patience...please"  I pleaded.

And within seconds Myra opened my door and walked to my bedside.  Her soft hands grabbed mine as she looked at me concerned and said, "What's matter mommy? Mommy having a tough time?" I gazed at the little dimples on her hands then up at her face as I forced a smile.  "Its ok mommy. I'm here.  You be ok!"  She exclaimed.  And then she threw her hands up along with her eyebrows and said with a cheery voice, "There's no monsters!" And I erupted with laughter.  Threw my covers off, swung my feet over and got out of bed.

It was most definitely (SHE WAS MOST DEFINITELY) a prayer answered.  But I knew that something had to change...the sugar HAD to go, for both of us... Too much sugar makes me skeeeeewampus.  So I packed up the kids and took Myra to pick out a toy to trade for the Halloween candy.

She immediately was drawn to this little doll and was completely enamored with her.
She named her Millie and now Millie goes where Myra goes.  It melts my heart.


Today was infinitely better... All of us were better. I had a healthy shake for breakfast instead of Halloween candy... Myra had a plate full of eggies and one piece of candy that she somehow was able to find and we all had a normal, happy day.  I took Myra out front for awhile during one of Max's naps and she ran to the bushes, plopped herself down with Millie and said, "Take picture mommy!"  So of course I obliged.  


Today I didn't cry or need time outs for myself.  I gazed into each of my kids eyes and felt grateful for them.  I kissed their chubby cheeks and tickled their sides until they erupted with gut chuckles.  Today was a good day.  And I know it was not just because of the candy...but because prayers were heard and answered.  

Halloween 2016

We had such an amazing Halloween season this year full of so much fun and last night was the perfect ending with my Cinderella, gus-gus and prince.


Every year we head over to the Lake Nona area and trick-or-treat in a little town that is just absolutely adorable.  The first year we lived here I wanted to trick-or-treat there because I didn't know the areas around here very well but I felt like that area seemed safe...and the scenery didn't hurt either.    It ended up being so much fun and the sidewalks have tons of cute kids and lots of the home owners end up going all out with their decorations and then sit on their porches handing out candy.  


After about an hour (when it started to get dark) we met up with some friends  to finish up the houses on the way back to our car. I am bummed because I forgot to get a picture with them... but here Jordan is on the phone with them. :)


Also note Myra's concerned face because Max was holding her Nerds... hahaha

Now we have candy coming out our ears and I have no idea what to do with it all....any ideas?  It's quickly disappearing into the tummies of Myra and yours truly.... which is NOT what I want.  

When we got home (far past their bedtimes) we finally sat down for the dinner I made.  We were in such a rush to get out the door for trick-or-treating that we didn't get a chance to eat.  I have been on  the hunt for a delicious Halloween dinner that we can keep for a tradition and I just haven't seemed to find "the one"... I liked what we had this year, but I am not sure it is "the one".  We had a pumpkin chili with extra sharp shredded cheese on top and a delicious pumpkin salad from Trader Joes.  

Once the kids were down Jord and I put on Hocus Pocus (I have watched this movie every year since I was very young), ate some of our children's candy and then went to bed.  

So sad to say goodbye to the Halloween season but extra excited to say hello to Thanksgiving and Christmas.  This time of the year is the best!

Trunk-or-treat

Saturday night our church had their annual Trunk-or-Treat and we had so much fun!!! 
We all gathered for a fun BBQ at the beginning and Myra ran around with her cute friend...he was dressed as a pumpkin and I had to laugh because he totally fit into our family Cinderella theme!

Myra desperately wanted to be Cinderella for Halloween and when I asked her what she wanted me to be she declared, "CINDERELLA".  So i give you, Cinderella (pre sister abuse), Cinderella, prince charming, and gus-gus!.


Saturday morning I realized... "Wait a minute, I think we are supposed to decorate our cars for this...?"  Unfortunately Jordan was busy studying at school all day and I still had to finish up some of our costumes so I quickly whipped up a carriage for our car.  I wanted to add a bunch more to it but it ended up working great and Myra LOVED it.. (she cried this morning when I threw it away).


That laugh!!!! hahahaha I love that girl.
She is usually SO painfully shy and can't even look and smile at a person she doesn't know super well let alone TALK to them but just like last year for trick-or-treating she smiled, said "trick-or-treat" and "Thank you so so much!!!!" to everyone!  I was really proud of her.  The candy helps I think :).  She is very excited to go door to door tonight... As am I!
SaveSave

Friday night burgerfi


Friday nights are usually date night for us but this past week I had an activity with the youth of our church that I had to go to so Jordan and I decided to go early on our date and let the kids join us.  We have been dying to try a new burger joint near us called, Burgerfi.  It was DELICIOUS....especially the onion rings ;).


We enjoyed a yummy rootbeer float before the dinner came out made from old-fashioned rootbeer and Myra really went to town on it. 


I love trying new food places and generally I love and eat up one-on-one time with Jordan but it ended up being a perfect night with all four of us!  PLUS when I got home from my activity, Jordan had laid out a blanket with tons and tons of pillows for a movie/games/home date night... So I guess we got a family night and date night all in one day (although I actually fell asleep on it about two seconds later hahaha) ;)... That boy is the best i tell ya! ;)
SaveSave

Looking back on halloween

We are so excited for Halloween!!!  Myra keeps saying to me, "Trick-or-Treat pleaaaaaase?".

Last night Jordan and I were getting some of our costumes made and I started thinking back to Myra's very first Halloween and had to dig through our photo albums on my computer so I could find them and look at her cute chubby cheeks.  I have to stop myself from looking at old baby photos too often because it makes me get really emotional and sad that she is growing up.  She was such a delightful baby with yummy yummy cheeks... BUT on the bright side it is so so fun to see her excited and really get into the spirit of it.  And while she isn't a delightful chubby baby anymore she is a hilarious toddler that I simply ADORE! ( I just have a thing for babies...ok?!)

For her first Halloween the two of us were in Newport with Jordan's family (but without him) and we went trick-or-treating at Balboa Island.  It was a blast and SO fun because they REALLY get into decorating over there.  


Unfortunately not too long into the fun Myra vomited ALL over me (two posts in a row about her with a tummy bug? haha oh my!) and I had to endure the rest of the night like that because we were on an island with a large group of people.  


Here is a picture of us on the ferry boat on our way back with me covered....
It still ended up being really fun but I felt so bad for her.
I caught the tummy bug not too long after.

Anyways, I am so excited to dress up as a family this year for our ward trunk-or-treat AND trick-or-treating.  TWICE!!!!??? YAY.  And Jordan is really grateful I am not making him wear any face make-up haha.

Beauty and Motherhood are ONE

Myra sat at the table eating some fruit loops this morning while I waited my thirty minutes after taking my thyroid medicine to sit down and eat with her.  Normally we eat together and I read half a chapter from the Book of Mormon with them, but Myra jumped the gun early.

After a bit I walked over to the table to join her and found her laying down near her chair on the floor with a melancholy look in her eyes.... I figured she was just tired.  I laid down next to her stroking her blonde hair and baby soft cheek asking her if she was ok.... No response.  So I picked her up and put her on the couch to lay down and watch a show for a bit.

After a few minutes she asked if she could have some water.

She had a sip and then instantly... VOMIT- ALL OVER THE FRONT OF HER!!! GAH... It broke my heart in two.

I rushed her to the bathroom and stripped her dirty clothes off her hot body and stuck her in the bath.  After a long bath I put a comfy sweater and leggings on then tucked her in bed with her special strawberry blanky, a movie, crackers and some coke.

Its nap time now, so she is sleeping.  But thankfully her spirits were up and that sad look in her eyes was gone by the time I put her down to sleep.

Stephanie Nielson once said that, "To me, beauty and motherhood are ONE.  They are the same thing."

I love that and whole heartedly agree.

I remember being young laying in bed late at night after ralphing all over my floor and watching my mother clean it up.  She didn't make gross faces or complain.  She just did it because it was her duty and she would do anything for me.  And I get that now.  She then tucked me in, brought me a little glass of coke and kissed my forehead.

It's a different house now and I am the mother bringing a child some coke and cleaning up the mess... but it's the same love....the same care that was given to me.

I think a lot of kids grow up feeling like they have somehow inconvenienced their parents lives and that makes me so sad.  I feel so deep inside my bones that motherhood is the biggest privilege in the world and I think a big part of that comes from the way my mother treated me growing up.  I felt special, loved, important and unconditionally hers.  To me, that always made her beautiful.

Motherhood is devine... Its beautiful and I love it.  Sickness and all.
SaveSave

"Carvin' Punkins"

I absolutely just LOVE this time of year.  The pumpkin spiced everything, Halloween movie and decorations, costumes and  creativity everywhere and the glorious weather... While we may not be where there are beautiful leaves, the weather here has been dreamy the past few weeks.  And by dreamy... I mean PERFECT!  SO for family home evening last night we went out front of our home and carved a pumpkin while basking in the perfect weather!  


Myra chose a kitty cat to carve and was SO funny about the pumpkin slime.  She absolutely refused to touch it.  I was all over that stuff when I was little!  


Her little hand on his shoulder.... HEART MELTED!  
These two together are so adorable! 


Max just sat there and chewed on pumpkin most of the time.  


The carving of the pumpkin was taking awhile and my little one is not so patient... So we found other activities to do while Jord tried to quickly finish it up.  Here is Myra admiring the cloud formations and jet plane flying by...


And.... the cat.


Then of course we needed a picture all together with the self timer... I was trying to do it quickly with the camera on a chair so the top of the pic is a bit cut off.... but at least we are all in it :).


When I was growing up we carved our pumpkins pretty far in advance to Halloween but I am starting to hear that lots of people do it on the day of Halloween.  In Utah the pumpkins last pretty long after being carved but as we are learning here, they mold super fast.  When do you usually carve pumpkins?  Do you have any fun traditions with it?  



Pumpkin Patch 2016


This past Saturday we headed down to Clermont to check out their pumpkin patch and we had so much fun.  It was amazing weather for Florida (finally in the 80's) and it just really made it start feeling like fall.

Myra, of course, headed straight for the swings!  Her whole life she has been terrified of swinging but will swing in a "big girl swing no problem"... but in a baby swing (where it has the two sided legs on it) she starts shaking and crying unless max is on the other side of it with her.  


This picture below is actually so sweet and sad at the same time.  This was in the little kids maze that they had made with stacks of hay.  Just on the other side of her there was a little boy that was getting in trouble by his mom and the mom was being really quite harsh with him.  Myra sat down hiding from the situation and was really sad.  It took me a minute to get her to stand up and walk away with me.... 


She eventually recovered and we headed for the pumpkins :).


She loves to squish his face and say, "SQUISH FACE".  
He hates it.
And recently she has been doing it to my thighs too.  And then she tells me I am squishy... hmmmm.  Toddlers are so brutally honest, man! 


I got this purse for her at Zara the other night for an amazing deal and she LOVES it.  She always holds it close to her and says, "It's so special for me!!!!".


She then ran around on dirty, old tractor tires and got SO dirty. 


Her favorite part though... was when she found a centipede and kept yelling "A CATAPILLA.. A CATAPILLA MOM!" and even gave it a kiss. (Insert wide eyed, oh my gosh, emoji).
I love this about her so much.  Maybe because it reminds me of me when I was little?  I always loved playing outside with the neighborhood boys but always carried around a doll (just your average oxy-moron ;)).  A tom-boy but also a good mix with girly-girl.   Myra and I are quite different from each other except for this... She loves to wear dresses and loves all things girly, but man does she love to get dirty and play with bugs too.  I was reveling in her running around in a dress looking that dirty.  SO ADORABLE! hahaha


I love this part too...
Gosh, my husband is cute. I just love that big "Y" on top of his hat. You would never guess he was once a big Ute fan.  Nothin hotter than a man routing for his Cougs. ;)


Sea World Exploring

We finally made it over to Sea World after living here for over two years!!! 
We were thrilled to feel the magic that they always seem to capture there with the music, shows and aquariums.  
Myra was running around saying, "More fishies" and couldn't stop squealing.

These sting rays were so awesome swimming around and around in circles.  You were able to go stand at the edge and touch them if you wanted.
My very favorite part of the whole day was the dolphin show.  It was AMAZING!!!!  In addition to the magic it brought, it somehow made Myra super duper lovey and happy... She wouldn't stop hugging Max and giving him kisses during the show.  I will admit, half of the show I spent just watching them hug and giggle.  
Jordan and I both left the show saying how much we wanted to just be dolphin trainers and have him drop out of Med school.  We both know that really isn't going to happen, but one can dream, right? 

Date Night

Lately I have been craving nights out with my man & have also been trying to be more deliberate with the way I live my life... With those two thoughts swirling around in my head I decided we needed to make a change and have deliberate date nights EVERY Friday night... and not just where we watch a movie together (because lets be honest, I always fall asleep two minutes in) but really DATE each other.  So, this week we began.  

We headed to Downtown Disney and sat down with just the two of us enjoying cupcakes and engaging in adult conversation.  It was delightful.

I had a red velvet cupcake.
He had a caramel apple cupcake.
(He wished he had ordered a red velvet)

And then we walked around all my favorite shops and I picked up everything I wanted.
Then we went to Zara and I looked at clothes for Max... (He grows too fast and had no church pants.) These we actually bought. 
All the stuff I wanted for me I just picked up...and then put right back...
But we pretended I got all the things I wanted like pretty dresses, sweaters and anthropologie perfume.

While I didn't leave with these "things"  I left still feeling happy and really not feeling sad about it.  I was ok to leave those things on the shelf and drive home with things for a baby and the most wonderful man next to me.  

I think thats why dating your husband is so important.  
I spent deliberate time with him.  I set my phone aside.  We talked with each other.  Smiled at each other.  Took pictures with each other.  Laughed with each other.  Dreamt of our future together.  

And for goodness sakes he spent date night SHOPPING.  
(What a man)

 I was reminded of the amazing man I married.
I was reminded that I have EVERYTHING I have ever wanted in life that TRULY matters. 
It made my heart feel full.  It made my heart swell. 

Thank goodness for date night.


My Minnie


Myra is obsessed with PINK right now.. so when we stopped to get some ice-cream we of course had to get PINK to match her PINK hat.  And watching her chow down on that cone was so adorable.

Jordan and I enjoyed this scrumptious dish...

And both of the kids sat on the carousel by themselves for the first time EVER.   Myra has always been too scared to sit by herself, but this time she loved it.
...Check out her crazy cool eyes...
Lets get another look at those...




Mabey's Lately


The past few weeks have been crazy good and so full of fun.  
We rode the teacups multiple times with this girl.
and the hot tram....(JUST LOOK AT THOSE BANDAIDS!!! SHE LOVES THEM haha)
She rode the barnstormer for the first time and went from calm...
to scared out of her mind in .5 seconds. 
That was a really fun day at Disney.... While we were eating at The Harbor House (Delicious BTW if you are going to Magic Kingdom...EAT THERE!) a big rainstorm rolled in.  By the time we made it to the car we were all drench and looked like we had all jumped into a pool... But we all just laughed the whole time (including Myra) and it made for a great memory.


We also walked around Universal before going to eat at The Chocolate Emporium.
This PLACE!!!!! It is unreal.. so delicious. so amazing. so creative.  
All of their dishes were to die for. They had an sweet steam-punk theme going on and their desserts were unreal... like milkshakes with cupcakes on top. 

Then we made our way to SeaWorld.  

Went home for naps... woke up and headed to Epcot for the Food and Wine Festival.  We had gone earlier in the week and ate half way around the World so this time we ate around the other half.  My favorite... PATAGONIA.  Their Salmon dish with Quinoa is to die for. 

Jordan and I had a fun date night at the High School football game.  I teach the Laurel class (16-18 yr old girls) at church and one of my Laurels won Homecoming Queen.  I am so proud. 

Then we prepared for a crazy hurricane and all the stores looked like this...

We hunkered down for a few days and were on a curfew.. We weren't aloud to leave the house for two days or we would be ticketed (possibly arrested??? don't quote me on that)... 
The hurricane ended up not being as terrible as they thought it was going to be so they lifted the curfew early.. but we got in lots of cuddles in our comfies with Jord who got a few days off of school for it. 
Then on Sunday I headed to church on my own with these two munchkins while Jordan went with a lot of others from our Church to help clean up towns closer to the coast that got hammered from the hurricane. 

We had such an amazing past few weeks.  I LOVE it when we have visitors and I REALLY love it when Jordan gets time off. :)  I feel so blessed to live where we do...smack dab in the middle of tons of magic.

SaveSave

Miss Cinderella...




This past week has been a blast.  Jordan's parents have been in town so we have been going to the parks and playing.  Our favorite "Food and Wine Festival" is going on at Epcot right now so we went over for a few hours one day and even got to go with a cute miniature Cinderella!  

Most days are a battle to get her to put clothes on... While most children her age have specific things they want to wear and can pick out what to wear, this little girl just wants to be naked.  All day, everyday.... BUT I can get her to put on her Cinderella dress without a fight usually, so the really tough days I get to have Cinderella with me.  The best thing about it?  She behaves VERY well when she wears it because she knows Cinderella is pretty because she is KIND and has COURAGE!!!!  

Growing up my mom would always tell me people were pretty because they were nice....I am trying so hard to teach her that.  A good personality can do wonders for someone so I am very grateful that Cinderella is her favorite princess and the one she looks up to...because some of those princesses are a bit.....dare I say, bratty?  

It's interesting raising a little one... while trying to teach and guide them a certain direction you start to really realize how much work you need to do yourself.  We expect and teach our kids to be a certain way but we ourselves aren't behaving the way we desperately want them to.... This is something I am trying very hard lately to change.  To practice what I preach. 

I love you my sweet little Cinderella...