I remember a few years back snuggling with Jordan on our old green couch in our tiny apartment in Provo and feeling so "Off". I can still feel those tears running down my cheeks because of how discontent my heart felt at that time. Before those tears started he continually kept asking me what was wrong, obviously sensing my discontent. He continually kept asking me because I kept telling him "Nothing", extremely unconvincingly (like always). Once he stopped asking I finally just started letting the tears roll. They started out slow and quiet and soon my cry turned into sobs and me trying to explain to him how I was feeling. Now, there was not one specific thing that was making me feel so down and as a man I think he was having a difficult time understanding that. So I turned my feelings into an analogy for him in hopes that he would be able to make me feel better like he so often does.
I told him between tears, "You know when you are doing a puzzle and you are searching for a specific piece and you look through each of them carefully for the right color and shape? And then you finally find one and put it where you believe it belongs and if you smoosh and push it enough it will somewhat fit but its definitely not the actual right piece for that place? Well I feel like that right now. I feel like me and my life are the puzzle piece and something is just not quite right. something is off...."
Now, I don't remember what he told me in return, but I remember feeling that way for awhile... just very discontent.
Well today I woke up and had a flash back to that day and those feelings that I harbored for sometime and realized that the piece now fits. I don't know for certain what the recipe was that made me finally feel this way but I am pretty sure Myra was a big part in it. I think Heavenly Father and the sweet girl were both trying to tell me it was time to have her for along time and I kept pushing it aside.... It's a darn good thing I finally listened to them.
My life is not perfect... It is so far from it. But I am happy and to finally feel HAPPY is so freeing. I wonder how many times in my life I will have to learn this lesson to LISTEN! Listening to Him and listening to my heart is what has always led me to happiness...
So in honor of it being November and the month of gratitude I must say how grateful I am. Grateful for my family because Heaven knows I would feel like a puzzle piece chewed up by the dog and then stuffed and smooshed into the wrong spot if I didn't have them!
Now I'm off to start a puzzle! :)