Match Day

We did it!!! We matched to UTAH and I well up with tears every time I think about it. 

This is something I prayed and prayed & hoped and hoped for... but never thought would actually happen.  I had a few experiences over the past few months that I felt were the spirit telling me that that's what was going to happen but I didn't want to get my hopes up and think it really was the spirit... because then if it hadn't happened I would have set myself up for disappointment.  Major disappointment.  So then I just told myself those thoughts and feelings I was having were just "me" and that I was making myself feel those things because I wanted it so badly. 

I was a stress case leading up to match week... I was not sleeping at night, and when I was I was grinding my teeth.  I just wanted so badly to just be excited and happy with wherever we were going to match.  I kept singing to myself, "I'll go where you want me to go, dear lord..." and I prayed every night for a year (not exaggerating) that I would just feel at peace and happy with wherever he needed to send us.  And then after a year of this it finally came down to a week before match day and I bawled to Jordan as we laid in bed... My feelings spilled out and I expressed my frustration with the lack of peace I was feeling in all the possibilities of places we could end up. I was trying everything I possibly could to make myself feel at peace about not matching in Utah... I felt my prayers had been unanswered.

The morning of match day came and I was so nervous I couldn't even eat breakfast or lunch.  Then we all gathered around the tables and listened to a small speech and before I knew it we were all counting down to open them up. Jordan's coat button got caught in Myra's hair which delayed the opening and everyone around us was cheering as they were opening and seeing theirs and I just wanted to vomit.  Jordan finally got it opened up and took forever to finally say, "UTAH"!  I SCREAMED and felt the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders... A happiness and relief I haven't felt in years. I felt as if Heavenly Father wrapped his arms around me and said, "You're going home. You did it.  You did it... and now you get to go home!"  

I am so proud of Jordan and feel so much gratitude for such a loving Heavenly Father. He did answer my prayers. 

We are coming home.

Myra's 4th birthday

Myra's fourth birthday was such a delight.  She woke up and found her dream giant dollhouse on the table and was ecstatic about it all day long.  We spent hours playing in that little thing along with all her other presents.

I also surprised her with a "spinny dress", so I am sure you can imagine the day was full of spinning as well... 

After naps, we then headed to Disney.  It was perfect and so special.  I hope she will have memories of her birthdays year 1-4 where we celebrated at the most magical place on earth.  

I do a much better job of sharing our lives and my thoughts on instagram and I think I expressed my feelings best there that day.

"Happy Birthday, beautiful girl.  I will never forget holding you in the hospital four years ago feeling things I had never felt before...a mothers love.  You laid there on my bare chest and just stared at me in a peaceful silence with your big eyes full of trust, wonder, and love.  You were the sweetest baby that rarely cried.  I wrapped you around my chest and those first few weeks we spent walking around campus, going to class, nursing in the bathrooms, and then walking across the state together to get my diploma.  WE've been inseparable from day one and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I am the luckiest mom because I get to spend my days cuddling you, reading to you and watching you learn and grow.  You are a girly-girl to the core with a deep love for the color pink and twirly dresses.  Your favorite princess is Belle and you spend hours everyday coloring.  You shower those around you with hugs and kisses, love to dance like Shirley temple, and are sooooo strong-willed- I am convinced you can accomplish ANYTHING you put your heart into.  I loveyou so much and hope that at the end of everyday you go to bed knowing that.

Love, Mom"