Whenever I can tell the kids have been cooped up too long we bust out the wagon and go searching for the ducks. We have a pond just across the parking lot from our apartment and ducks are always gathered there, often with ducklings in tow. Just sitting under a tree in the shade for a bit while feeding the ducks always seems to do the trick for the grumpies and I will miss having a pond so close when we leave.
Shaking with nerves and excitement I lathered a whole lot of pink dye onto mine and Myra's hair on Tuesday. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I WOULD NORMALLY DO! I mean, I went through a year and a half of an apprenticeship AT a hair salon and didn't change my hair one bit.. always long, always blonde. I am predictable...and somewhat boring. And the past few years, even more so.
I have been reflecting A LOT lately on me... Who I am vs. who I want to be. And usually I am content with not being exactly who I want to be, as long as I am taking strides in that direction every single day. But I think the past few years I have been living in a bit of a blind state fully unaware of who I was/am. I perceived myself to be the girl I was way back when... happy, outgoing, open and easy to connect with. The girl that people would always ask, "How are you always so happy?" But that is far from the truth. When many different people the past few months have expressed to me that I am quite the opposite I felt shocked and surprised... And then I realized these were people who really have only known me that past few years. My head started spinning and after a lot of hard work with reflection on myself and humbling I found that indeed, they were right. I see now that I have instead been inching over to a direction quite the opposite direction from the girl I want to become. Someone that isn't living life to the fullest, someone who closes herself off from getting too close to people, someone that says "NO" more than "YES".
Thomas S. Monson said, “To live greatly, we must develop the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility.”
I no longer want to let trials be an excuse in my life to not be happy, to not develop relationships, to not have fun, to not say, "YES". I want to teach my little girl how to face trouble with courage and disappointment with cheerfulness. I want to not only be happy, but also allow myself to be vulnerable and let others into my heart knowing all there is to know about me... the good, the bad, and the ugly. And good heavens, I want to be the mom that says, "YES" to popcorn on the couch, staying up late, dancing in the living room when I feel like laying in bed with the covers over my head, and COLORING YOUR HAIR PINK.
Saying "yes" to others opens yourself up to letting your relationship dig deeper. Myra has been thrilled that we are "twinners" and I have no doubt in my mind that she will not forget this feeling when she is older- the feeling of a special bond and connection because momma said, "yes" to pink hair.